dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
