He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
