My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
