All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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