ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
