The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize