WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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