these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
