Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
