my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
