her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
