Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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