please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
