Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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