three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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