i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
