Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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