Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize