So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
