Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
