Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
