Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
