i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Randomize
