nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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