Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
