somebody snuck up and got me drunk
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
