i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
