Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
