I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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