Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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