And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
