My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
he just fucked me for my cheese.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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