I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
