Do you still have your period?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
