Too much gin, very little bucket
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
