So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
