hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
