you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
