i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
