All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
