Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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