Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I need a burrito and a hug.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
