I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
