The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
