I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
