sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
BRING THE BAGELS
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize