I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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