went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
