you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
