are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
