3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
we made out on top of his cat.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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