see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
