Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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