he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We just shotgunned beers for America
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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