i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
