booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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