At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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