Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
