did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
