the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
