I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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