After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
