No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
