For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
