I wish I only lived at night.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
so much tequila, so little girl.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
