He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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