this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
