Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize