chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
pop tarts are not kleenex
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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