I feel like abortions should bother me more
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
