Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
