fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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