someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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