I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
